A journalist hilariously attempts to replicate Erling Haaland’s daily routine of raw milk, red light therapy, and tomahawk steaks, with predictably comical and improvised results.
After attempting to replicate Erling Haaland’s daily routine, which includes guzzling raw milk and using a body-length red light emitter, an amateur realized the Premier League’s top goalscorer’s day was surprisingly normal despite the unusual elements.
According to a report from iNews, replicating the daily routine of Erling Haaland—the Premier League’s top goalscorer—in a bid to become a “6ft 5in goalscoring machine” yielded a mix of success, heavy improvisation, and hilarious failure.
The attempt was inspired by Haaland’s first YouTube video, which quickly amassed 5.1 million views in four days and showcased a day involving raw milk, red light treatment, and an enormous tomahawk steak.
The day began with an early start and the striker’s “hearty-looking” coffee, featuring maple syrup, raw milk, and a layer of thick foam.
The amateur replicator substituted this with two spoonfuls of Nescafe gold and thoroughly pasteurised milk, noting the syrup “partially succeeded in masking the burnt flavour.”
This was followed by a morning walk, a “logical thing for wellness,” before Haaland’s simple breakfast of two fried eggs on a piece of sourdough.
Skipping the gym massage due to lack of willing participants, the day continued with Haaland’s emphasis on red light exposure.
Lacking the “body-length red light emitter” the player uses—and joking about the lack of sunlight in “late October” England—the imitator improvised by “sticking my face under a lamp for a minute.”
Lunch was a “strange” combination of egg fried rice, asparagus, and white fish, where the replicator found some lemon sole in the freezer instead of Haaland’s sea bass.
The meal “wasn’t bad, and is certainly nutritious but I, as a keen amateur chef, wouldn’t usually be found putting those ingredients together.”
The most predictable part was football practice. While Haaland “skilfully taps the ball around with his teammates,” the imitator’s kick-ups in the back garden led to battling a hedge and, after attempting a rainbow flick, firing the ball into his “own backside three times in a row,” concluding, “I have emphatically answered my own question.”
Before dinner, the celebrity cold plunge and sauna were substituted for a “cold shower, which quickly turned to a hot shower after much swearing and shivering.”
The craving for sustenance led to the evening meal of steak, potato wedges, bearnaise sauce, and salad.
The amateur chef’s bearnaise turned out “surprisingly well,” and the steak was “juicy with a nice crust, albeit a bit overdone.” Haaland’s insistence on eating the steak with his hands was found to be “oddly fun.”
The verdict on the routine was surprising: “I must admit, I wasn’t expecting the legendary player’s day to be so normal.”
The author concluded, “While there are obviously some activities that wouldn’t crop up in my daily life, Haaland’s routine didn’t involve any of the 4am starts or super strict meals that I thought it might.”